That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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