thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
