So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
