she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
