Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
