i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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