I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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