im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
