But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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