I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
