She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
