Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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