when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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