I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
