Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
