who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pants are for mortals
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
