3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
