its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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