at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
