Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
