Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
