What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
