We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Randomize
