i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
