she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
