He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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