We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
