i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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