I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
