The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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