I have demons in me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
