someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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