I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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