just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
