the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize