How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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