you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
