Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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