i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize