i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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