OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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