I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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