I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
