the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
