the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
