Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
