I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
