it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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