My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
