Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
