How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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