That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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