Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
