Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
