I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
