So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
