FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
