You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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