I love black thongs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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