dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
