What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
