I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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