I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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