I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
