Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize