So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
