I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
