Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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