yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
