I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
