Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
