I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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