weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
