I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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