Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
