Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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