dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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