haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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