I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
