His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
