The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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