I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is Oprah even human
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