Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
