Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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