Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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