It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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