I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
