i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
