i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
