Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
