Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Randomize
