Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
