If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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