I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i think my cat just said my name.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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