Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
