Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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